A man asked his doctor how to improve his relationship with his wife. The doctor advised him to take a ten mile walk each night so he wouldn't be so irritable, and then to call him in a month. When the man called the next month, the doctor asked how things were with his wife. "Fine, I'm very relaxed, but I'm three hundred miles from home."
-- from I Think, Therefore I Laugh by John Allen Paulos
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains because most men can see better than they can think.
Wife: 'What are you doing?'
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'
Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.'
If a man makes a statement in a forest and no woman is around,
is he still wrong?
A wife laughs at her distraught husband who has a loaded revolver at his head. "Don't laugh," he tells her, "you're next."
-- from I Think, Therefore I Laugh by John Allen Paulos
Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'
Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'
Wife: 'Yes or No.'
Stress Reliever
Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles & lighten your burden'
Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'
Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'
Son: 'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'
Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'
Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'
My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine.
God made man before woman so as to give him time
to think of an answer for her first question.