A girl phoned me the other day and said Come on over, there's nobody home.   I went over.   Nobody was home.

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents.   I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?"   He said, "I don't know kid, there are so many places they can hide."

My wife made me join a bridge club.
I jump off next Tuesday.

My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy.   I told him, "If you don't mind I'd like a second opinion."   He said "All right. You're ugly too!"