Mathematical Riddles
What did the acorn say when he grew up?
Answer: Geometry (Gee, I'm a tree!)
What do you call friiends who love math?
Answer: AlgeBROS
Why couldn't the angle get a loan?
Answer: Its parents wouldn't cosine.
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
Answer: It was a mean thing to say!
Why doesn’t anybody talk to circles?
Answer: Because there’s no point!
What do baby parabolas drink?
Answer: Quadratic formula.
What is a math teacher’s favorite vacation destination?
Answer: Times Square!
What are the most important things about a decimal point?
Answer: Location! Location! Location!
Why is simplifying a fraction like powdering your nose?
Answer: It improves the appearance without changing the value.
What is a parrot apt to do if he sees a cat?
Answer: Polyhedron (Poly, He'd run!)
Who was the roundest knight at King Arthur's round table?
Answer: Sir Cumference
What do you call an insect that's not feeling well?
Answer: A secant (sick ant)
What is the opposite of a stop sign?
Answer: A cosine. (A go sign!)
What do you call a parrot that should go on a diet?
Answer: A polynomial (Poly, no meal!)
What branch of mathematics is studied by the very young?
Answer: Topology.
What math is discussed between sea gulls?
Answer: Integral Calculus (Inter-gull Calculus).
What do you call two bolas?
Answer: A Parabola (A Pair o' Bola)
Why are huge chrysanthemums like some parabolas?
Answer: Because they're both maximums.
What does a mathemaician read every Sunday morning?
Answer: The Conic Section (The Comic section)
Why did they put the mathematician in prison?
Answer: He tried to kil o meter.
Why is the meter stick such a stubborn ruler?
Answer: Because he won't give an inch.
What will happen to the inch worm when we go to metric?
Answer: He'll become a centipede.
Why is April 1st so tired?
Answer: You'd be tired, too, after 31 days of March!
What do clowns do after April 30th?
Answer: Matrix (May tricks)
What do mathematicians sleep on?
Answer: Matrices, of course!
What do you get when you cross a pigeon and a zero?
Answer: A Flying Nun!
Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?
Answer: Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don't need the sun!
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a banana?
Answer: |elephant|*|banana|*sin(theta)
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a mountain climber?
Answer: It's undefined, since the mountain climber is a "scaler".
"How many seconds are there in a year?"
Answer: "Twelve. January second, February second, March second, ..."
How do we know that the following fractions are in Europe? A/C, X/C
and W/C ?
Answer: Because their numerators are all over C's.
Why was six afraid of seven?
Answer: Because 7 8 9. ... Did 7 have Pi for dessert?
(submitted by Roxanne Eckenrode)
Do you know why seven eight nine?
Answer: Because you're supposed to eat three squared meals a day!
How do you make seven even?
Answer: Take away the s.
What did 0 say to 8??
Answer: Nice belt.
What did one math book say to the other?
Answer: Don't bother me! I've got my own problems!
Why did the chicken cross the Moebius strip?
Answer: To get to the other ... er, um ...
How many times can you subtract 7 from 83, and what is left afterwards?
Answer: I can subtract it as many times as I want, and it leaves 76 every time.
Did you hear the one about the statistician?
Answer: Probably....
Why do mathematicians like national parks?
Answer: Because of the natural logs.
What does trigonometry have in common with a beach?
Answer: Tan Gents
How do hearing impared people greet one another?
Answer: They sine waves.
(For a microwave you just use your pinky.)
How many mathematical logicians does it take to replace a lightbulb??
Answer: None: They can't do it, but they can prove that it can be done.
How many numerical analysts does it take to replace a lightbulb??
Answer: 3.9967: (after six iterations).
How many classical geometers does it take to replace a lightbulb??
Answer: None: You can't do it with a straight edge and a compass.
How many mathematicians does it take to replace a lightbulb??
Answer: None. It is left to the reader as an exercise.
How many mathematicians does it take to replace a lightbulb??
Answer: The answer is obvious.
What do you call a teapot of boiling water on top of mount everest?
Answer: A high-pot-in-use
What do you call a broken record?
Answer: A Decca-gone
What kind of insect is good at math?
Answer: The account-ant.
After a big meal together, ask someone: What is the square root of -1/64?
Answer: I overate (or i/8)
Can an English major learn Math?
Answer: Cosecant! (Course he can't)
What is 8 divided in two parts?
Answer: Vertically it is 3,
horizontally it is 0.
How do you tell that you are in the hands of the Mathematical Mafia?
Answer: They make you an offer that you can't understand.
What insect is good with numbers?
Answer: An account-ant.
What is the sine of 40?
Answer: Saying things like, "When I was your age ..."
What keeps a square in place?
Answer: Square roots.
What is the only known cure for a bad case of right angles?
Answer: Pythagorean serum.
What did the statistics teacher say to her failing student?
Answer: Look on the bright side -- you're in the top 90% of the class!
What is the volume of a disk with radius z and height a?
Answer: Pi z z a!
How does a mathematician reprimand his children?
Answer: If I've told you n times, I have told you n + 1 times ... !
Why do mathematicians often confuse Halloween and Christmas?
Answer: Because OCT 31 = DEC 25.
Why didn't the two 4's want dinner?
Answer: Because they already 8.
Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN?
Answer: She didn't know which ONE came first...
Where do math teachers go on vacation?
Answer: Times Square.
In 2013, several counties in Colorado considered seceding from the state and forming a 51st state. Why does the United States need 53 states?
Answer: So it can be indivisible (53 is a prime). -- from Justin Zablocki
Why can't you pour root beer into a square glass?
Answer: Because you will just have beer. -- from Justin Zablocki
A farmer has three fields. One of them has 3 bundles of hay, another has 4, and the last has 5. How many would he have in the first field if he combined all of them in that field?
Answer: Just one, he combined them all.
How is the moon like a dollar?
Answer: They both have 4 quarters.
What goes up and never comes down?
Answer: Your Age
Why is the longest human nose on record only 11 inches long?
Answer: Otherwise it would be a foot.
What did the triangle say to the circle?
Answer: "You're pointless."
How does a mathematician plow fields?
Answer: With a pro-tractor.
What's a math teacher's favorite kind of tree?
Answer: Geometry.
What do you call more than one L?
Answer: A parallel!
Why wasn't the geometry teacher at school?
Answer: Because she sprained her angle.
Did you hear about the over-educated circle?
Answer: It has 360°!
What shape is usually waiting for you inside a Starbucks?
A line.
Why doesn't anybody talk to circles?
Answer: Because there's no point.
Why was the obtuse triangle always upset?
Answer: Because it's never right.
What do geometry teachers have decorating their floor?
Answer: Area rugs!
What do mathematicians do after a snowstorm?
Answer: Make snow angles!
Why was math class so long?
Answer: The teacher kept going off on a tangent.
Why did the student do multiplication problems on the floor?
Answer: The teacher told him not to use tables.
Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers?
Answer: He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
Why was the student confused when he went from English class to math class?
Answer: Because he was taught that a double negative in English is bad, but in math, it's a positive.
What are ten things you can always count on?
Answer: Your fingers.
Are monsters good at math?
Answer: Not unless you Count Dracula.
Why didn't the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel?
Answer: Because it had more cents!
What did the spelling book say to the math book?
Answer: "I know I can count on you!"
What do you get when you cross a dog and a calculator?
Answer: A friend you can count on.
Which king loved fractions?
Answer: Henry the 1/8.
Why did Pi get its driver's license revoked?
Answer: Because it didn't know when to stop.
What's the official animal of Pi day?
Answer: The Pi-thon!
What do you call two friends who love math?
Answer: Algebros.
Why do atheists have trouble with exponents?
Answer: They don't believe in higher powers!
Why do plants hate math?
Answer: Because it gives them square roots.
Why does algebra make you a better dancer?
Answer: Because you can use the algo-rhythm!
What do you call a number that can't sit still?
Answer: A roamin' numeral!
Did you hear what the 0 said to the 8?
Answer: Nice belt!
What is a math teacher's favorite vacation destination?
Answer:
Times Square.
Why was the fraction worried about marrying the decimal?
Answer: Because she would have to convert.
Why did I divide sin by tan?
Answer: Just cos.
Can the mathematician skip trigonometry?
Answer:
Cosecant.
Why do mathematicians like parks?
Answer:
Because of all the natural logs.
Why did the mathematician return his pie to the bakery?
Answer:
They made it wrong — πr², not round!
What kind of algebra teachers are positive?
Answer:
The ones with absolute values.
What was Sir Isaac Newton's favorite dessert?
Answer:
Apple pi.
What do you get when you take the sun and divide its circumference by its diameter?
Answer:
Pi in the sky.
Why do Pirates love algebra.
Answer: Because x marks the spot.
Why couldn't the math teacher get from Point A to Point B?
Answer:
Because he used the rhom-bus.
Why did the minus sign get a humanitarian award?
Answer:
For making a difference.
What is a mathematician's favorite dessert?
Answer:
Pi a la Mode.
How do you solve any equation?
Answer:
With a pencil.
What type of teacher calls his students average?
Answer:
One that is mean.
Why did the mathematician get elected as mayor?
Answer:
He promised to solve the inequalities.
What is a geometry teacher's favorite sport?
Answer:
Angling.