Garden of Eden
This somehow didn't make it to the Bible, but I'm pretty sure it
happened...
Adam is telling God how lonely he's been in the Garden of Eden.
"You've made the day and the night, the land and the sea, the
trees and the animals. But what I really want with me in the
Garden is a perfect companion.
I want someone who will cook for me and take care of me. I want
someone to talk to at night and to think about during the day.
Can you make such a being for me?"
"Sure I can," replied God. "But it'll cost you an arm and a
leg."
Adam thinks for a second and replies, "well, what can I get for a
rib?"
Top Ten Reasons Why Eve Was Created:
10. God was worried Adam would become lost in the Garden
because he would not ask directions.
9. God knew Adam would one day require someone to locate
and hand him the remote.
8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new
fig leaf when his wore out and
that he would need someone to
buy one for him.
7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor's,
dentist's, or haircut appointment for himself.
6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put
the garbage out.
5. God knew if the world was to be populated, Adam would
never be able to handle the pain
and discomfort of
child-bearing.
4. As keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember
where he left his tools.
3. Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God
caught him hiding in the garden.
2. "It's not good for man to be alone."
And, finally, the NUMBER ONE reason why God created Eve...
1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back,
scratched his head, and said,
"I can do better than that!"
Creation
On the first day, God created the dog and said:
'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'
The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'
So God agreed.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said:
'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.'
The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'
And God agreed.
On the third day, God created the cow and said:
'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.'
The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'
And God agreed again.
On the fourth day, God created man and said:
'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.'
But man said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'
'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'
So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
Creation
Three people, a doctor, an engineer and a politician
were arguing over whose contribution to humankind was greatest.
The doctor said, "the Lord created Eve from Adam; it was a surgical procedure,
therefore we doctors were there from the creation!"
"No way," the engineer interrupted. "Go back a step:
the Lord created the universe from chaos. That was the greatest engineering
feat in history! MY profession was the one that was there at the beginning!"
"Fair enough," the politician piped in. "But who do you
think created all that chaos in the first place?"
Adam
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination,
looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out
of the Bible and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an
old leaf from a tree that has been pressed in between the pages.
"Momma, look what I found," the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked.
With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered,
"It's Adam's suit!!"
What did Eve ask Adam during their first argument?
"Adam, is there another woman?"
At what time of day was Adam created?
A little before Eve.
Did Eve never have a date with Adam?
No, it was an apple.
What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
Your mother ate us out of house and home.
What is the first reference to an automobile in the Bible?
In Genesis, we are told, "God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury."
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings.
Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, 'Johnny, what is The matter?'
Little Johnny responded, 'I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife.'
Old Baseball Bible Song
Eve stole first, Adam stole second,
St. Peter umpired (empired) the game,
Rebecca went to the well with the pitcher,
Ruth in the field won fame.
Goliath was struck out by David,
And a base hit made on Abel by Cain,
The prodigal son made one home run,
Brother Noah gave out checks for the rain.
Why did Noah have to punish and discipline the chickens on the Ark?
Because they were using "fowl" language.
Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
Noah and Fishing
A Sunday school teacher asked,
"Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing
when he was on the Ark?"
"No," replied Johnny. "How could he, with just two
worms."
Why didn't they play cards on the Ark ?
Because Noah was standing on the deck.
All I need to know, I learned from Noah's Ark!
ONE: Don't miss the boat.
TWO: Remember that we are all in the same boat.
THREE: Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.
FOUR: Stay fit. When you're 60 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.
FIVE: Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.
SIX: Build your future on high ground.
SEVEN: For safety's sake, travel in pairs.
EIGHT: Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.
NINE: When you're stressed, float a while.
TEN: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.
ELEVEN: No matter the storm, when you are with God, there's always a rainbow waiting.
What kind of lights did Noah use on the ark?
Flood lights.
What US state is mentioned in the bible?
Arkansas. "Noah looked out of the ark and saw..."